Tuesday, April 23, 2024
POETRY SPOT
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Ron, Tim et al in the US, here is an American item in the nature of the Australian bush poets and reminiscent of The Devil Went Down to Georgia, Tim’s neck of the woods.
It is called Tying Knots in the Devil’s Tail and is an original poem by Gail Gardner set to music by Michael Martin Murphy and his band in Red River, New Mexico. Hear him tell the story of the poem and hear him and his boys sing it by clicking on:
I admit it scans better as a song than as a poem but it is a bit of fun.
"Tying Knots In The Devil's Tail"
Oh, way up high in the Sierra Peaks
Where the yellow jack pines grow tall
Sandy Bob and Buster Jiggs
Had a round-up camp last fall
They're takin' their ponies and they're runnin' irons
Maybe a dog or two
And they allowed their brand on every long-eared calf
That come within their view
Now many a long-eared dogie
That didn't hush up that day
Had his ol' ears whittled and his ol' hide sizzled
In the most artistic way
Now, Sandy Bob, he said one day
As he throwed his cigar down
I'm tired of this cowography
And all else, I'm goin' to town
Well, they saddled their ponies and they struck them a load
And how them boys can ride
And them was the days that an ol' cowboy
Could oil up his ol' insides
Well, it started out at the Kentucky bar
At the head of the whiskey row
And they wound up down at the depot house
About forty drinks below
Well, they set 'em up and they turned them around
And they went the other way
And I'll swear the godforsaken truth
Them boys got drunk that day
They mounted up and they headed to camp
And they's packin' a pretty good load
When who should they meet, but the Devil himself
Come prancin' down the road
Well, the Devil said, "You ornery skunks
You better hunt your holes
'Cause I'm the Devil from Hell's Rim Rock
Come to gather in your souls"
Sandy Bob said, "Devil be damned
It may be a little bit tight
Before you gather any cowboy souls
You gonna have a hell of a fight"
He swung his rope and he swung it straight
He also swung it true
He caught the devil by both his horns
And taken his dallies too
Now Buster Jiggs was a lariat man
With his rawhide coiled up neat
He shook it out and built him a loop
And he latched the Devil's hind feet
Well, they stretched him out and they tailed him down
And the irons was gettin' hot
They cropped and swallow-forked his ears
And they branded him up a lot
And they left him there in the Sierra Peaks
Necked to a black-jack oak
But before they left, they tied some knots
In his tail just for a joke
So if you're ever up there in Sierra Peaks
And you hear one hell of a wail
It's just the Devil
A feller and a thousand knots tied in his tail
As Murphy says in his background commentary, the Devil had horns, hooves and a tail so they rope him and brand him, even tie knots in his tail as a playful joke. They leave the Devil in the Sierra Peaks, bellowing, tied to an oak by his neck.
Monday, April 22, 2024
BIBLE ODDITIES
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It ain't necessarily so
It ain't necessarily so
The things that yo' li'ble
To read in the Bible
It ain't necessarily so
- Lyric from “It Ain’t Necessarily So” from the Gershwins' opera Porgy and Bess (1935), music by George Gershwin and lyrics by his brother Ira Gershwin.
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There are numerous oddities and quirky verses/stories in the Bible, bizarre even.
Many of them are from the Old Testament. I am aware that there is justification for dietary laws for people who did not have refrigeration or modern medical care, eg prohibitions against eating pork, shrimp, shellfish and many types of seafood, most insects, scavenger birds, and various other animals, but this is somewhat hollow when dietary rules were never intended to apply to anyone other than the Israelites and that the purpose of the food laws was to make the Israelites distinct from all other nations. After this purpose had ended, Jesus declared all foods clean.
So, some oddities . . .
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“If a man’s testicles are crushed or his penis is cut off, he may not be admitted to the assembly of the Lord.”- Deuteronomy 23:1
As a result, rabbis were expected to prove their parts were in working order before they could work in the Temple.
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King Saul, jealous of David and fearing that David would take over as king, offered David the hand of his daughter if David brought back 100 Philistine foreskins. The intent was not to collect foreskins but for David to be killed.
Informed by servants of Saul’s true intent, David put his back into and came back to Saul with 200 foreskins!
"And Saul said: Speak thus to David: The king desireth not any dowry, but only a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies. …. And after a few days David rose up, and went with the men that were under him, and he slew of the Philistines two hundred men, and brought their foreskins and numbered them out to the king, that he might be his son in law. Saul therefore gave him Michol his daughter to wife. And Saul saw, and understood that the Lord was with David. "- 1 Samuel 18:25-27
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Abraham instructed his chief servant to “place his hand under his thigh” and swear an oath.
The placing of one’s hand under the “thigh” is a euphemistic way to refer to swearing upon the testicles of the master. The testicles are the sign of Abraham’s descendants (they literally contained the “seed” that God had promised to bless in Genesis 15, 17, 22). The Abrahamic Covenant in general is sealed upon the genitals of Abraham and his descendants.
Although the etymology is contested by some, the word Latin word testes is identical to the same word for “witnesses”. It is therefore considered by other etymologists that the word ‘testimony’ has this origin
- Genesis 24:2-9
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You shall also have a place outside the camp and go out there, and you shall have a spade among your tools, and it shall be when you sit down outside, you shall dig with it and shall turn to cover up your excrement. Since the Lord your God walks in the midst of your camp to deliver you and to defeat your enemies before you, therefore your camp must be holy; and He must not see anything indecent among you or He will turn away from you.- Deuteronomy 23:12-14
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If a man finds a girl who is a virgin, who is not engaged, and seizes her and lies with her and they are discovered, then the man who lay with her shall give to the girl’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall become his wife because he has violated her; he cannot divorce her all his days.- Deuteronomy 22:28-29
Fifty shekels of silver is equal to about $148 in USD in 2022.
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Unicorns are mentioned, by name, at least nine times in the King James Bible translation. They are only found in the Old Testament. Examples:
Some of the more interesting references in Scripture to unicorns include the following.
God brought them out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn- Numbers 23:22Save me from the lion's mouth: for thou hast heard me from the horns of the unicorns- Psalm 22:21But my horn shalt thou exalt like the horn of an unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh oil- Psalm 92:10Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib? Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee?- Job 39:9 - 10The voice of the Lord breaketh the cedars; yea, the Lord breaketh the cedars of Lebanon. He maketh them also to skip like a calf; Lebanon and Sirion like a young unicorn- Psalm 29:5 - 6
Other than the verses above, umicorns are also mentioned by name in in Numbers 24:8, Deuteronomy 33:17 and Isaiah 34:7.
Sunday, April 21, 2024
EEYORE, POOH AND PIGLET
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In a world where the nightly news broadcasts contain constant stories of war and discord, hostility, prejudice and conflict of various types; where being cynical, sceptical and blasé, if not the norm, are common, is there a place for kindness, compassion, caring and love?
There certainly is, that is why I am posting the following extract from Winnie the Pooh emailed to me by John P. Thank you, John
We all have our Eeyore moments, hopefully we will have a Pooh or Piglet there - sometimes just being there is enough. Or be a Pooh or Piglet for someone else who is having a tough time.
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Extract:
It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn’t heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore’s stick house. Inside the house was Eeyore.
“Hello Eeyore,” said Pooh.
“Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet,” said Eeyore, in a Glum Sounding Voice.
“We just thought we’d check in on you,” said Piglet, “because we hadn’t heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay.”
Eeyore was silent for a moment. “Am I okay?” he asked, eventually. “Well, I don’t know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That’s what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. Which is why I haven’t bothered you. Because you wouldn’t want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All, would you now.”
Pooh glanced at Piglet, and Piglet glanced at Pooh, and they both settled, one on each side of Eeyore in his twig abode.
Eeyore looked at them in surprise. “What are you doing?”
“We’re sitting here with you,” said Pooh, “because we are your friends. And true friends don’t care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are.”
“Oh,” said Eeyore. “Oh.” And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.
Because Pooh and Piglet were There.
No more; no less.
- A.A. Milne
Saturday, April 20, 2024
SONG SPOT
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DRILL YE TARRIERS, DRILL
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A folk song that I quite like.
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Video:
I love this version by Donal Clancy, my favourite, and some great guitar work in accompanying himself:
This version by Trip McCool is also good, plus interesting photographs:
1891 recording, sound not great but interesting for the historical context:
1950’s recording by Cisco Houston:
Cisco Houston, a renowned American folk singer and songwriter, popularised the song again with a version in the 1950s. However, his voice, a smooth baritone, has been considered too polished for folk music. His voice has been categorised as too professional and lacking in authenticity. Fully agree.
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Lyrics:
Every morning at seven o'clock
There's twenty tarriers a workin’ at the rock
The boss comes along and he says, "Keep still
And come down heavy on the cast iron drill."
Chorus:
So drill, ye tarriers, drill
And drill, ye tarriers, drill
Oh it's work all day for the sugar in your tay
Down beyond the railway
So drill, ye tarriers, drill.
Our new foreman is Dan McCann
By God he was a blamed mean man
Last week a premature blast went off
And a mile in the air went big Jim Goff.
[Chorus]
Next time payday comes around
Jim Goff a dollar short was found
"When he asked “What for?” came this reply
"You was docked for the time you was up in the sky."
[Chorus]
The boss was a fine man down to the ground
And he married a lady six foot round,
She baked good bread and she baked it well
But she baked it harder than the hobs of Hell.
[Chorus]
Tarriers live on work and sweat
There ain't no tarrier got rich yet
Sleep and work, then work some more
And we'll drill right through to the devil's door.
[Chorus]
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About the song:
"Drill, Ye Tarriers, Drill" is an American folk song first published in 1888 and attributed to Thomas Casey (words) and later Charles Connolly (music). It was the Number 1 song in 1891.
The song is a work song about the construction of the American railroads in the mid-19th century. The title refers to Irish workers, drilling holes in rock to blast out railroad tunnels.
“Tarrier” has a double meaning: one who tarries or delays; and an auger or instrument for boring holes. In the context of the song, the tarriers are those who operated the steel drills used to bore holes to place dynamite charges.
Tarriers used the steam drills that the legendary hammer-man John Henry battled to drill holes to place dynamite charges.
“Tay” means tea.
“Hobs of Hell” - Hobs are big stones on either side of an open Irish fireplace. They kept the heat in a smaller area but they got very hot.
This song serves as a tribute to the workers who tirelessly toiled away, often in dangerous conditions, to dig tunnels and construct railways. The title itself, “Drill, Ye Tarriers, Drill,” is a call to action, urging the workers to press on and continue their labor with unwavering determination. The song captures the relentless nature of such work, highlighting the physical and mental stamina required to overcome obstacles and achieve monumental feats.
Labor issues were often addressed in nineteenth-century songs. At times they took the form of an individual caught in a tragic situation (fired by a cruel boss, for example) in the typical sentimental tone of the era. Other times, however, such situations acquired vivid comic dimensions, as in this song when a blast blows Jim Goff sky high, and then finds his pay docked for the time he was away from the drill.
The work of the tarriers was inherently dangerous. Working with explosives and tunnelling through rock and earth posed numerous risks. The threat of collapsing tunnels, cave-ins, and explosions was constant. The song portrays the bravery of these workers who faced these perils daily, underscoring their courage and sacrifice in accomplishing their tasks.
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Some pics and further comments:
Irish workers, Union Pacific Railroad construction, 1860s
The Union Pacific Railroad company employed mainly Irish immigrants who were unmarried veterans of the Civil War, both Confederate and Union, who sought opportunity and work. The work was challenging and it consisted of digging, grading, and track laying across the Great Plains for long hours at a time through challenging conditions. The style of labor was very military like with project managers cursing and barking out orders which workers were expected to obey like soldiers. Workers were paid three dollars a day with food and lodging provided. They worked from sun up to sundown with only three breaks a day for meals, which included large breakfast and lunch portions and smaller dinner portions. Harsh winter storms, Indian raids on worker camps and lack of supplies such as firewood made track laying difficult and slow. The Irish workers also suffered dysentery which was a constant problem because they frequently drank impure water from springs or lakes. They were expected to lay two to three miles of track a day.
The railroad companies also used Asian labour.
"It took four men to hold a big iron bar to manually drill a hole into the granite," according to Hus, director of research for Stanford's Chinese Railroad Workers in North America Project. "A fifth man would pound it with a sledgehammer. Then they would rotate the bar a quarter turn and pound it again, and so on. This was how they drilled the hole to then pack the black powder, light it and run. There were no hydraulics."
In early 1865 the Central Pacific had work enough for 4,000 men. Yet contractor Charles Crocker barely managed to hold onto 800 laborers at any given time. Most of the early workers were Irish immigrants. Railroad work was hard, and management was chaotic, leading to a high attrition rate. The Central Pacific management puzzled over how it could attract and retain a work force up to the enormous task. In keeping with prejudices of the day, some Central Pacific officials believed that Irishmen were inclined to spend their wages on liquor, and that the Chinese were also unreliable. Yet, due to the critical shortage, Crocker suggested that reconsideration be given to hiring Chinese. He encountered strong prejudice from foreman James Harvey Strobridge.
Strobridge's attitude changed when a group of Irish laborers agitated over wages. Crocker told Strobridge to recruit some Chinese in their place. Instantly, the Irishmen abandoned their dispute. Sensing at least that fear of competition might motivate his men, Strobridge grudgingly agreed to hire 50 Chinese men as wagon-fillers. Their work ethic impressed him, and he hired more Chinese workers for more difficult tasks. Soon, labor recruiters were scouring California, and Crocker hired companies to advertise the work in China.
The number of Chinese workers rose to a high of 12,000 in 1868, comprising at least 80% of the Central Pacific workforce.
The Chinese workers were punctual, willing, and well-behaved -- sometimes referred to as "Celestials" in reflection of their spiritual beliefs. They were quite unlike their Caucasian counterparts, who quickly resented the growing competition and harassed the foreigners. Crocker and Strobridge made clear to the Irishmen that they could work alongside the Chinese crews or be replaced by them. The ultimatum may not have cured the anger of the white crews, but it sufficed to quell rebellion.
Workers lived in canvas camps alongside the grade. In the mountains, wooden bunkhouses protected them from the drifting snow, although these were often compromised by the elements. Each gang had a cook who purchased dried food from the Chinese districts of Sacramento and San Francisco to prepare on site. While Irish crews stuck to an unvarying menu of boiled food — beef & potatoes — the Chinese ate vegetables and seafood, and kept live pigs and chickens for weekend meals. To the dull palates of the Irishmen, the Chinese menu was a full-blown sensory assault. The newcomers seemed alien in other ways: they bathed themselves, washed their clothes, stayed away from whiskey. Instead of water they drank lukewarm tea, boiled in the mornings and dispensed to them throughout the day. In such a manner they avoided the dysentery that ravaged white crews.
Strobridge continued to doubt the suitability of Chinese to certain tasks. When a group of Irish masons struck for higher wages, Crocker suggested using Chinese men in their place. The foreman objected. Famously, Crocker replied, "Did they not build the Chinese Wall, the biggest piece of masonry in the world?" Strobridge acquiesced, and Chinese crews were soon laying stone.
Friday, April 19, 2024
REMEMBERING HEROES
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Private Arthur Stanley Gurney VC (1908 - 1942, 33yo)
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The stories behind the names on the signs at the rest stops on the Remembrance Driveway, which goes from Sydney to Canberra.
The highway commemorates persons awarded the Victoria Cross by naming rest stops after them.
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The Victoria Cross (VC) is the highest and most prestigious award for gallantry in the face of the enemy that can be awarded to British and Commonwealth forces.
The VC was introduced on 29 January 1856 by Queen Victoria to honour acts of valour during the Crimean War.
The metal used to make every Victoria Cross medal has been made from cannons captured by the British at the siege of Sevastopol.
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Stan Gurney:
Arthur, better known as 'Stan', was born at Day Dawn in the Murchison area, Western Australia, on 15 December 1908. Now a ghost town, Day Dawn was an important gold-mining community during Stan's childhood but was in decline by the 1930s.
Stan's father, George, was a miner. Both he and his wife, Jane, were from South Australia but they married at Norseman, a gold-mining town 700 km east of Perth. Stan had 3 sisters and an older brother.
Stan grew up with a strong work ethic, helping both his parents after school and on weekends. He loved his sport and played cricket and tennis and was also a competitive road cyclist. In 1929, Stan Gurney won a 50-mile cycling race and remained interested in the sport for the rest of his life.
The Gurney family moved to Perth when Stan was 15. He finished his education at Stott's Business College and worked for a short while with a local real estate agent. He also worked with the City of Perth Electricity and Gas Department.
Stan joined the 2nd Australian Imperial Force (AIF) as a private on 6 December 1940. He left Fremantle for the Middle East on 5 July 1941, where he was posted to D Company, 2/48th Infantry Battalion.
Stan served at Tobruk, Palestine and Syria. Late in June 1942, his battalion rushed to Egypt to head off Field Marshal Erwin Rommel’s advance. By 22 July, D Company had lost all its officers in fierce fighting at Tel el Eisa and casualty numbers continued to rise.
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Action for which he received the VC:
Gurney's VC citation appeared in the London Gazette of 8 September 1942, reading:
No.WX.9858 Private Arthur Stanley Gurney, Australian Military Forces. For gallant and unselfish bravery in silencing enemy machine-gun posts by bayonet assault at Tell El Eisa on 22 July 1942, thus allowing his Company to continue the advance.During an attack on strong German positions in the early morning of 22 July 1942, the Company to which Private Gurney belonged was held up by intense machine-gun fire from posts less than 100 yards ahead, heavy casualties being inflicted on our troops, all the officers being killed or wounded.Grasping the seriousness of the situation and without hesitation, Private Gurney charged the nearest enemy machine-gun post, bayoneted three men and silenced the post. He then continued on to a second post, bayoneted two men and sent out a third as a prisoner. At his stage a stick grenade was thrown at Private Gurney which knocked him to the ground. He rose again, picked up his rifle and charged a third post using the bayonet with great vigour. He then disappeared from view, and later his body was found in an enemy post.By this single-handed act of gallantry in the face of a determined enemy, Private Gurney enabled his Company to press forward to its objective, inflicting heavy losses upon the enemy. The successful outcome of this engagement was almost entirely due to Private Gurney's heroism at the moment when it was needed.
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Location of rest stop:
Gurney VC Rest Area
The Vineyards Road, Lake George NSW 2581
(off the Federal Highway)
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Gallery:
The Australian War Memorial holds Arthur Stanley Gurney's medals in its collection
The Commander-In-Chief of the Allied Land Forces in the S W Pacific, General Sir Thomas Blamey, meets relatives of Stan Gurney – Mr George Gurney, father, and Mrs R Clued, sister.
The desert grave of Private Arthur Stanley Gurney.
Gurney's grave at El Alamein
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Legacy:
Stan Gurney V.C. Memorial Bike Race:
The annual Stan Gurney VC Memorial Race is held on Anzac Day.
The criterium style road race is named after the late war veteran and former club member Arthur Stanley Gurney, has been running for more than 70 years.
It was first held in Collie before relocating to the Perth Hills and later Midland.
Stan Gurney Ward:
Stan Gurney is remembered by the Stan Gurney ward at the former Repatriation General Hospital, Hollywood.
Hollywood Private Hospital (Hollywood) is an acute care hospital located in Nedlands, Western Australia. Hollywood is Western Australia's largest private hospital, with more than 900 licensed beds. Hollywood employs over 2,000 people and has 75,000 patient admissions each year.
All wards and some procedural units have been named after servicemen who were awarded the Victoria Cross and George Cross Medals of Honour and who either resided at the time of enlistment, died or were buried in WA.
Thursday, April 18, 2024
FUNNY FRIDAY
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Following on from yesterday’s Quote of the Day from Justice Lee - “Having escaped the lions’ den, Mr. Lehrmann made the mistake of going back for his hat.” – today’s theme is hats.
Enjoy, Byters.
As usual, a caution that there is risqué and non-PC content ahead.
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SOME HUMOUR:
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A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”
The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”
"And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.
“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body."
The son then asked: "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?”
"These are 'babouches' my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet."
"So tell me then," added the boy.
"Yes, my son…”
"Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?
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A non-hat item sent to me by Steve:
A guy is feeling terrible and goes to the doctor.
The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth..'
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before.
They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins $35.
Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins $320
Then he gets the full house and wins $5000.
Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting $780,000.
The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, 'Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the national game on the same card. You must be the luckiest bastard on Earth!'
'Lucky?' he screamed. 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24'.
'Fuck me,' says the bingo caller. 'You've won the meat raffle as well!...
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Little Johnny missed school one day
The next day teacher asked where he was, and he replied: "I had to take the cow to be inseminated by a bull."
The teacher asked, "Couldn't your daddy have done that?"
To which Johnny replies, "Maybe, but the bull does it better."
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After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party.
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
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Little Johnny was in class at school when his teacher asked 'Jane. What did you do last weekend?
'I went for a ride on a choo choo train.' Jane replied proudly.
'That's fantastic!' replied the teacher, 'but you need to use grown up words. Next time just say train, not choo choo train. Tim, what did you do last weekend?'
Tim thought for a second and said 'I went to granny and grampys house.'
'Oh, that's lovely' replied teacher, 'but remember to use grown up words. Grandma and grandpa. Johnny, what did you do last weekend? And remember to use grown up words.'
Johnny though for a few seconds and said 'I read a book'
'Oh very good. What was the name of the book?'
'Whinny The Shit.'
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#1:
On a windy day, a man sees an elderly rabbi get his hat blown off...
The man chases after the hat and manages to retrieve it. The rabbi is very grateful, and he hands him a $20 bill and says "God bless you, young man!"
Later, the man goes to the racetrack, and he sees that one of the horses in the first race is named "Top Hat." He thinks to himself "This must be a sign! The rabbi gave me a blessing!" So he bets $20 on Top Hat, and the horse comes in first place.
On the next race, he bets $100 on a horse named Stetson, and the odds are even longer, but it comes in first as well. Now he's really sure of himself, and on the next race, he bets all his winnings on a horse named Chateau, at 100-1 odds. But to his shock, the horse comes in dead last.
Dejected, the man goes home to his wife and explains what happened.
"You idiot!" says his wife. "Chateau is a house, chapeau is a hat! We could have been rich!"
"It wouldn't have mattered," says the man. "The winner was some Japanese horse named Yarmulke."
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#2:
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From Bytes, May 5, 2017:
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A few weeks ago I posted a joke recounted to me by trivia competitor and friend, John. It concerned a Jewish man buying alligator shoes. After I posted that joke John took me to task for not having told it properly, stopping just short of saying I had ruined it. He therefore sent me an email with his version.
Here are the two versions:
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As I posted it –
Moshe had always wanted a pair of alligator shoes but had never been able to afford them. One day he sees a pair in the Selfridges Sale priced at only £39.99. He couldn’t believe it. They even had his size. So he buys them and proudly wears them to go home.
When he gets home, he stands in front of his wife and says, "Sadie, do you notice anything different about me?"
She looks him up and down and says, "Moshe, you look the same to me. You’re wearing the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same trousers. So you tell me, what’s different?"
But Moshe won’t give up easily. He goes into the bedroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, other than his new shoes.
Once again he stands in front of Sadie and says, "Sadie, now do you notice anything different about me?"
Once again she looks him up and down, then says, "Moshe, it looks the same to me. It's hanging down just as it was hanging down yesterday. No doubt it will be still hanging down tomorrow."
Angrily, Moshe says, "Do you know why it’s hanging down, Sadie? It’s hanging down because it’s looking directly at my new shoes!"
Sadie replies, "You should have bought a hat!"
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As John sent it to me:
Hymie, a little old Jewish tailor, who has bought himself and his wife nothing in all their years together, is walking home from work when he passes a shoe shop.
There in the middle of the window is a pair of alligator skin shoes.
Hymie is smitten.
“I must have these shoes,” he says as he walks excitedly into the shop.
He tries the shoes on. They are a perfect fit.
The shop assistant offers to wrap them.
“No,” says Hymie. “I’m going to vear them home.”
On his way home, he calls out to passers-by: “Hey, lady! Look at my new shoes!” “Hey, mister! Look at my new shoes!”
He arrives home, still buoyed by the excitement of having his alligator skin shoes.
“Rachel,” he calls to his wife.
“Vot is it?” she says.
Hymie motions to her to look at him. He asks: “Vot do you see vot’s different?”
Rachel looks dismissively: “Vot do I see vot’s different? The same old balding head, the same old ugly face, the same old pot belly. Vot’s different?”
Hymie leaves the room, then returns completely naked – apart from the new shoes.
“Now, vot do you see vot’s different?” he says.
“Vot do I see vot’s different?” says Rachel. “The same old balding head, the same old ugly face, the same old pot belly, the same old limp thing hanging down.”
“Vot do you mean ‘hanging down’,” says Hymie. “It’s pointing at my new shoes.”
“Next time,” says Rachel. “Buy a new hat!”
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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
A well-equipped fellow in school
Had the whole class admiring his tool.
This magnificent dong
Was quite twelve inches long
Though it wasn’t much use as a rule.
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GALLERY:
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CORN CORNER:
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I just discovered that the word “nothing” is a palindrome...
Backwards it spells “gnihton”, which also means nothing.
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I found a hat with $17.50 in it and I thought this other guy was going to pick it up but...
...he was too busy juggling.
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I went trick or treating as Gandhi and kept all of my candy in a hat
And when someone tried to take the candy from my hat i told them "My hat my candy"
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Did you hear about the Italian who broke both of his arms?
He couldn't talk for a whole month.
Wednesday, April 17, 2024
QUOTE FOR THE DAY
By Justice Lee in his judgment on the Bruce Lehrmann defamation case against Channel 10 and journo Lisa Wilkinson. Lehrmann brought a costly and risky defamation case against Ten and Wilkinson after his criminal trial for rape of Brittany Higgins was aborted owing to juror misconduct. He did not face a second trial. Justice Lee found on the civil standard of proof. That is, on the balance of probabilities, that Lehrmann had raped Britttany Higgins and found for the defendants. He will likely be ordered to pay costs in the millions.
Quote:
“Having escaped the lions’ den, Mr Lehrmann made the mistake of going back for his hat.”
Justice Lee
MORE MISCELLANEOUS FACTS
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Dinosaur poo:
Dinosaurs, like all animals, needed to expel waste. Sometimes pieces of dinosaur faeces turned into fossils, called coprolites. Some palaeontologists specialise in studying coprolites and use them to understand what food dinosaurs ate, and how they fit into larger food chains.
The most famous dinosaur coprolite is an enormous specimen found in Late Cretaceous rocks in Canada. At over 30cm long and more than two litres in volume, this huge piece of scat could only have been produced by the largest predator in the ecosystem: Tyrannosaurus rex.
This fossil is important because it is full of chunks of bone, which reveals that T Rex could bite so hard that it crushed the bones of its prey, a highly unusual way of eating with no obvious modern equivalent.
Dinosaur coprolite
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Identical twins and fingerprints:
The likelihood of two people sharing identical fingerprints by chance is estimated to be less than one in 64 billion.
Even identical twins – who have the same DNA sequence and tend to share a very similar appearance – have slightly different fingerprints. That’s because fingerprints are influenced by both genetic and environmental factors during development in the womb.
Although their shared DNA means identical twins’ fingerprints do tend to be more similar than those of strangers, forensic experts and state-of-the-art recognition software can still spot the difference.
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A headless chicken:
A chicken once lived for 18 months without a head.
Mike lived for 18 months in 1947 after his head had been cut off, surviving because most of his brain stem remained intact and it did not bleed to death due to a blood clot.
Farmer Lloyd Olsen of Fruita, Colorado, attempted to behead Mike at the behest of his mother in law for supper but was unsuccessful. The axe removed the bulk of the head, but missed the jugular vein, leaving one ear and most of the brain stem intact.
The chicken was still able to balance on a perch and walk clumsily. It attempted to preen, peck for food, and crow, though with limited success; his "crowing" consisted of a gurgling sound made in his throat. When Mike did not die, Olsen decided to care for the bird. He fed it a mixture of milk and water via an eyedropper, and gave it small grains of corn and worms.
Once his fame had been established, Mike began a career of touring sideshows in the company of the Olsens.
In 1947, at a motel in Phoenix, Arizona on a stopover while traveling back from tour, Mike started choking in the middle of the night. It had managed to get a kernel of corn in his throat. The Olsens had inadvertently left their feeding and cleaning syringes at the sideshow the day before, and so were unable to save Mike.
Mike the chicken's feat was recorded back in the 1940s in the USA. He survived as his jugular vein and most of his brainstem were left mostly intact, ensuring just enough brain function remained for survival. In the majority of cases, a headless chicken dies in a matter of minutes.
Mike the Headless Chicken is a cultural institution in Fruita, Colorado, with an annual "Mike the Headless Chicken Day", the third weekend of May since 1999. Events held include the "5K Run Like a Headless Chicken Race", egg toss, "Pin the Head on the Chicken", the "Chicken Cluck-Off", and "Chicken Bingo", in which chicken droppings on a numbered grid choose the numbers.
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Oldest dog:
The world’s oldest dog lived to 29.5 years old. While the median age a dog reaches tends to be about 10-15 years, one Australian cattle dog, ‘Bluey’, survived to the ripe old age of 29.5.
Bluey worked as a cattle and sheep dog for nearly 20 years. He died on November 14, 1939, just three years after he was named the oldest dog in the world. He took the title at 29 years and five months and his feat was later enshrined in the Guinness World Records.
Oops. wrong Bluey
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Octopuses don’t actually have tentacles. They have eight limbs, but they're arms (for most species). Technically, when talking about cephalopods (octopuses, squids etc), scientists define tentacles as limbs with suckers at their end. Octopus arms have suckers down most of their length.
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